alright I am finally sick, but god damn it why must it be on the conducting of my coursework. down with fever, cough, sore throat and flu. yet have to tahan thru the coursework.

been up and busy this 3 days going about getting my 84mm course running smoothly since its commencement on monday. lots of things need to be indent and something made... yah made. sad right when things can be withthin reach of a temporary loan but due to higher authority unwillinginess to make the move, endede in us doing it up without the proper equipments. talking about training safety regulation haiz... thanx to my technical skill learn during my secondary school days, I manage to come out with something decent. -.-"

rsm came up to coy and make a hell of rackets because of some area that does not belong to us that is fuck up. "damn those hq people!" but why did he came out? because the do is a idert, yes he overslept and cock up our draw arms timing, resulting in him getting away scott free with a few "sorri sorri" and rsm yelling off our ear drum. "officer? I am starting to doubt my choice in the first place. you know specialist are the one great people afterall. being the devil in the coy, taking all the orders that cannot be done by their rank but force to, and yah work like a slave dunno for what god damn it reason when the man can just slack thru and the officer? breeze thru loh."

anyway enuff about work now for an update of my sickness... went to the medical centre yesterday just to end up getting some painkiller for my sickness because the mo is not there to see us cos we share mo with another medical centre. I wonder if the casualty would ever make it to the mo if something were to happen. "saf is a !@#$%^ organisation!!!"

so I went down today again, and guess what? yes the mo is not in again because he went outfield, great so peace time soldier aint that important huh? in the end the mindef mo only sees us after some persusion by me, because we are out of his area of operation. can you believe it? I thought doctors are susppose to save life not draw line? "knn lj lah!"

came back coy only to find out that encik have issue letter of summon for awol to 1 of my man. and I have to set about tieing down with the cos to send him the letter and stand in for him, with my lesson goin on, sickness goin on and yah rsm rubbish goin on too.

think this is my most vuglar entry since quite a long while. think I am going back to my old self, the caring, fierce, fuck up, vuglar... haiz the environment force me to the wall, but like one friend who used to cared alot for me ask me 1 day when I change my writing style all of the sudden. that I am not being myself and she likes the old me... which now that I think back isn't really that bad and in fact I feel that those days I feel more human. "maybe you are right that I am a human that can never become a demon in his deepest self."

but I also know that in order to make it to the top in this world, I have to be in the condition that I am in now best then ever I have felt and seen, my pr skill and lots more that I sux big time in last time.

"do we lose ourself in the fight to be the best in the world? I really dunno sia lost haiz."