Thursday, November 30, 2006


dad's condition just got worse, the cancer cells from his lungs have spread to his liver and bone. with the new chemo drugs, he has lost all his strength so much so that I have to carry him up to our house after his treatment. we have to clean him up after his bowel movement, and he is always in a daze and does not respond well when we call him.

I can't describe the feeling to see someone struggling so hard just to pass each day as it is and still push on bravely. not many can imagine how one could handle such situation, much less the person himself.

wonder how I would handle if my day comes.

I remember how when I was young and always down with fever, he stayed up to look after me and carry me whenever I need to go and do. once I fell and cut my chin in the toilet, he carry me with his bleeding kness as he just had a motorcycle accident, to hail a cab to send me to hospital for stich up. the blood trail he left in sgh that day was something in my life that I would never forget.

doing exactly what he used to do and care for me pain beyond words. being the rebel in the family, I am nothing short of disappointment and have never done him proud as a son. but he is always proud of me being his son.

there's so much I want to tell him and things that I want him to enjoy now that we are all grown up, his time to rest and enjoy life. but all I can do is now is just try my best and pacify his pain nothing esle... nothing.

I regret not having spend enough time with him and always going against him.

the point here is, when someone you love or hold dear is healthy and smiling at you. be nice and do spend time with them, whatever happens once the person is gone doesn't matter anymore.

you may not realize it now, but don't wait till fate slap you in the face to realize it.